Before the pale faces,
before the elk vanished
with songs of my brothers
and spirits of bone,
rang the charge of painted waters
between the mighty mountains
beside the burning spring
in the land of salt and stone.
I love this! The concise choice of words and the testament itself is beautiful. My favourite line? "Rang the charge of painted waters" etc. I really like that use of the past tense at the beginning of the line. Really nice work.
The picture is beautiful and your words are equally so. I am absolutely fixated on the line "and spirits of bone." That the songs of brothers disappeared is tragic, yes, but following image is of an entirely different magnitude.
Sometimes, it really is a zero sum game. For the painted waters and the others, too.
Kat - Thank you for your comments and for pointing out the lines that resonate with you. I trust and appreciate your opinion.
Faith - Thank you, too, for pointing out the phrases and images that strike you. Thanks for continuing to visit and read here.
Brosreview - You make me smile. Thank you!
Sarah - *hug* I fell in love with poetry as a child for the sound of it, so your comment is very pleasing to me. Thank you, Sarah.
Rachel - I'm glad you find it so. Thanks.
Aniket - This is my home. I think it runs in my blood. Thank you.
laughingwolf - I'm so glad you feel this one. Thank you, my friend.
Cat - WV is a most beautiful state, much like the Smokies in some areas. I can only imagine what it must have been like "before."
LGL - I had to smile when I read your comment. It has rained here for eight straight days. To remember that somewhere it's a hot, crowded afternoon is as reminder of the diverse and widepread community we have. I'm glad my little piece of home could provide some respite in your day. Thanks.
Jennifer - The farther we move from the spirit world, the worse our own world seems to become. Those amulets and tokens were invested with a power we've lost. You're right, it's a different magnitude. Thank you for your comments.
Amal - Thanks for continuing to read and comment. I appreciate it.
emptygarden - Thank you for your comment. I believe this is the first time I've seen you here, so I'll have to come to your garden to get acquainted.
Karen ~ Your writing is superbly unique. I feel you tell of legends and such all those great things that we've learned through the generations...reminds me of Joseph Campbell's 'The Power of Myth'...there is such power in your poems and stories. I just love them!
Beautiful! I love the "painted water." Shoot, I love all of it! What an awesome structure you have going on.
After the first four lines as an introduction of sorts, it pivots into those absolutely gorgeous images. The last two lines are fantastic! You have told many stories with eight lines.
I felt this clear down to my toes. The poem seems as though it was wrung out of the photo. I often imagine what the world must have been like sans all the structures, cars, signs, tracks, roads, et. al.
This reminds me of James A. Thom's novel, "Follow the River".
Julie - Thanks for your comments, especially on structure. I had fun making this into one sentence with all of those prepositional phrases and one little verb. I wanted to include everything I could think about to describe the Kanawha Valley as it was in the beginning. Thanks for the mention of painted waters -- actually, the area is called Paint Creek, named because the Native Americans stopped there to paint their faces with the red clay mud. Thanks, Julie. Your comments raised my spirits on this one.
Kaye - In some ways, I wrote this for you. That is, I knew when I wrote it that you'd be the only person who would absolutely understood the whole thing -- Paint Creek, Burning Springs, the reference to the salt and stone, and of course, the river.
I also thought of "Follow the River" and would recommend it to anyone who wants to be able to picture our land as it was "before." This is a most beautiful area.
I nearly used a picture of Kanawha Falls, but the one I used is of Paint Creek. Close to home, huh?
this reads like a monument if a monument could be written by a spirit or a river. even though it's about "before", i got a feeling of complete timelessness - as if when we go where the elk went, the mountains will be, and the water will ring, still - and the voice is holy.
I love this! The concise choice of words and the testament itself is beautiful. My favourite line? "Rang the charge of painted waters" etc. I really like that use of the past tense at the beginning of the line. Really nice work.
ReplyDeleteKat
Beautiful, Karen. Each word perfect..."the spirits of bone" and the "burning spring" Wow. Incredible photo too:)
ReplyDeleteSpot on! Brilliantly written!!!
ReplyDeleteI had to read this one loud, Karen. It flowed as effortlessly as that clear, pure stream down smooth, stepped stones.
ReplyDeleteYour mindfulness of form and clarity always astound me, once I've read the poem through a couple of times.
beside the burning spring
in the land of salt and stone
is beautifully evocative of the wonderful newness of the world. Once upon a time. Before.
Sweet, and smooth...
ReplyDeleteA lovely read Karen and now am left with the taste of salt water in my mouth. I so want to dive in...
ReplyDeleteoh man... i feel this one deep into my bones, thx karen :)
ReplyDeleteThis is a beautiful shot, and the poem gives it such meaning. Gorgeous.
ReplyDeleteit flowed like a brook karen :) what a lovely thing to visualise in this hot crowded afternoon... delicious :)
ReplyDeleteThe picture is beautiful and your words are equally so. I am absolutely fixated on the line "and spirits of bone." That the songs of brothers disappeared is tragic, yes, but following image is of an entirely different magnitude.
ReplyDeleteSometimes, it really is a zero sum game. For the painted waters and the others, too.
nice work karen.. :)
ReplyDeleteboth the image and words ring sweet!
ReplyDeleteKat - Thank you for your comments and for pointing out the lines that resonate with you. I trust and appreciate your opinion.
ReplyDeleteFaith - Thank you, too, for pointing out the phrases and images that strike you. Thanks for continuing to visit and read here.
Brosreview - You make me smile. Thank you!
Sarah - *hug* I fell in love with poetry as a child for the sound of it, so your comment is very pleasing to me. Thank you, Sarah.
Rachel - I'm glad you find it so. Thanks.
Aniket - This is my home. I think it runs in my blood. Thank you.
laughingwolf - I'm so glad you feel this one. Thank you, my friend.
Cat - WV is a most beautiful state, much like the Smokies in some areas. I can only imagine what it must have been like "before."
LGL - I had to smile when I read your comment. It has rained here for eight straight days. To remember that somewhere it's a hot, crowded afternoon is as reminder of the diverse and widepread community we have. I'm glad my little piece of home could provide some respite in your day. Thanks.
Jennifer - The farther we move from the spirit world, the worse our own world seems to become. Those amulets and tokens were invested with a power we've lost. You're right, it's a different magnitude. Thank you for your comments.
Amal - Thanks for continuing to read and comment. I appreciate it.
emptygarden - Thank you for your comment. I believe this is the first time I've seen you here, so I'll have to come to your garden to get acquainted.
Karen ~ Your writing is superbly unique. I feel you tell of legends and such all those great things that we've learned through the generations...reminds me of Joseph Campbell's 'The Power of Myth'...there is such power in your poems and stories. I just love them!
ReplyDelete~ Calli
Calli - Thank you. You are much too generous, but we all knew that from your blog! :-)
ReplyDeleteKaren, I have something for you at "Keepsakes".
ReplyDeleteKat
Thanks, Kat!
ReplyDeleteA little gem. really! Fine poem.
ReplyDeleteForgot to say, lovely photograph, too.
ReplyDeleteSimply beautiful, and the rushing stream
ReplyDeletemost soothing.
Dave - I'm glad you're back. Thanks for both comments.
ReplyDeleteAibreann - Welcome and thanks for your kind words.
Beautiful! I love the "painted water." Shoot, I love all of it! What an awesome structure you have going on.
ReplyDeleteAfter the first four lines as an introduction of sorts, it pivots into those absolutely gorgeous images. The last two lines are fantastic! You have told many stories with eight lines.
I felt this clear down to my toes. The poem seems as though it was wrung out of the photo. I often imagine what the world must have been like sans all the structures, cars, signs, tracks, roads, et. al.
ReplyDeleteThis reminds me of James A. Thom's novel, "Follow the River".
This is so pure and aesthetic. Really love it.
Julie - Thanks for your comments, especially on structure. I had fun making this into one sentence with all of those prepositional phrases and one little verb. I wanted to include everything I could think about to describe the Kanawha Valley as it was in the beginning. Thanks for the mention of painted waters -- actually, the area is called Paint Creek, named because the Native Americans stopped there to paint their faces with the red clay mud. Thanks, Julie. Your comments raised my spirits on this one.
ReplyDeleteKaye - In some ways, I wrote this for you. That is, I knew when I wrote it that you'd be the only person who would absolutely understood the whole thing -- Paint Creek, Burning Springs, the reference to the salt and stone, and of course, the river.
I also thought of "Follow the River" and would recommend it to anyone who wants to be able to picture our land as it was "before." This is a most beautiful area.
I nearly used a picture of Kanawha Falls, but the one I used is of Paint Creek. Close to home, huh?
this reads like a monument if a monument could be written by a spirit or a river. even though it's about "before", i got a feeling of complete timelessness - as if when we go where the elk went, the mountains will be, and the water will ring, still - and the voice is holy.
ReplyDeletejoaquin - Thank you. Your comments couldn't have come at a better or more needed time. I fear you are being too nice, but today...I'll take it.
ReplyDeleteBefore... and after... Nature will outlast all songs...
ReplyDeleteBeautiful, beautiful poem, Karen!
Thanks, Vesper, for reading and for the lovely comments.
ReplyDeletewowwww!!! it was a treat to the senses. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you, Preetilata! This is my home. Beautiful, isn't it?
ReplyDelete