Excellent, Karen. I love that the narrator doesn't tell us what "it" is. Actually, we all know, because we all have our own monsters under the bed that are reaching for our ankles. You capture that feeling so well. "Hulking" is the perfect word.
Your language is top notch. The repetition of "even in my heart/even in the dark" adds much to the heaviness of what is there.
Okay, I hate it when people assume the narrator is me, but your tag makes me think it is. So I'm sending a big hug to you.
I just noticed your Mary Oliver quote. You might give the narrator of your poem a hug from me and tell her that sometimes a little less swimming inward and a little more swimming outward helps. And perhaps a little more praying, whatever that looks like for her, especially if its done outside at this most glorious time of year. Blue is not a colour for this season.
Julie - Looking back at the poem, I see the title as a hopeful note. Just a visitor. Thanks for your comments on language - so important to me. Thanks for the hug. By the way, I changed the tag. Never like to give away too many secrets!
TWM - Where can we send him? I'll be glad to buy the ticket!! :-)
Mairi - Very, very good points. One of those "practice what you preach" reminders. Thanks for that. I always think September blue is the most beautiful blue. Certainly not this blue.
I have been here. I have been sent away. Thanks for your prod that permitted me to find my way into this memory.
I Stayed Too Long
You told me to go, saying that a visitor staying overlong stinks like old fish. I feel out of sorts and monstrous now that it's revealed how little I thought of you and yours in the maw of my own heart's need.
So often, there is a monster, a feeling of dread, an angst...you have explained it so succinctly with your rich words. We have all been "there". I hope this hulking thing soon leaves your space. :)
You poem is done so well. I love the opening stanza...it sets the mood perfectly.
a hulking thing breathing fetid breath sits on my shoulders
i like this too. i think you've left a lot of room for the reader to place themselves in it - and (this is meant as a compliment) it made me think of mercer mayer's "nightmare" books, but for grown ups. :)
Hi Lovely, great to hear from you and to be back. :) I think I've met your visitor, I try to ignore them but sometimes they just like to say. Evocative and something we can all relate to. Thank you. Sarahxx
Excellent, Karen. I love that the narrator doesn't tell us what "it" is. Actually, we all know, because we all have our own monsters under the bed that are reaching for our ankles. You capture that feeling so well. "Hulking" is the perfect word.
ReplyDeleteYour language is top notch. The repetition of "even in my heart/even in the dark" adds much to the heaviness of what is there.
Okay, I hate it when people assume the narrator is me, but your tag makes me think it is. So I'm sending a big hug to you.
Aye at times it is an overly long staying visitor too. Has it naught other home to go to?
ReplyDeleteI just noticed your Mary Oliver quote. You might give the narrator of your poem a hug from me and tell her that sometimes a little less swimming inward and a little more swimming outward helps. And perhaps a little more praying, whatever that looks like for her, especially if its done outside at this most glorious time of year. Blue is not a colour for this season.
ReplyDeleteBoth beautiful, the image and the poem. The connection between them was not obvious at first, but all the more telling for that.
ReplyDeleteJulie - Looking back at the poem, I see the title as a hopeful note. Just a visitor. Thanks for your comments on language - so important to me. Thanks for the hug. By the way, I changed the tag. Never like to give away too many secrets!
ReplyDeleteTWM - Where can we send him? I'll be glad to buy the ticket!! :-)
Mairi - Very, very good points. One of those "practice what you preach" reminders. Thanks for that. I always think September blue is the most beautiful blue. Certainly not this blue.
Dave - Thank you.
I have been here. I have been sent away. Thanks for your prod that permitted me to find my way into this memory.
ReplyDeleteI Stayed Too Long
You told me to go,
saying that a visitor
staying overlong
stinks like old fish. I
feel out of sorts and monstrous
now that it's revealed
how little I thought
of you and yours in the maw
of my own heart's need.
So often, there is a monster, a feeling of dread, an angst...you have explained it so succinctly with your rich words. We have all been "there". I hope this hulking thing soon leaves your space. :)
ReplyDeleteYou poem is done so well. I love the opening stanza...it sets the mood perfectly.
a hulking thing
breathing fetid breath
sits on my shoulders
great poem, really sad and atmospheric, the picture is perfect with it
ReplyDeletei like this too. i think you've left a lot of room for the reader to place themselves in it - and (this is meant as a compliment) it made me think of mercer mayer's "nightmare" books, but for grown ups. :)
ReplyDeleteI am a newcomer to your blog, but I love your depth and passion. Thank you for the vivid pictures you paint with your poems.
ReplyDeleteThat visitor must be crashing at a lot of houses lately. I think we should get together and do one mass eviction.
ReplyDeleteI liked the directness and unflinching nature of this one.
Karen, it's been TOO long since I was last here. Feels good to come back. :)
ReplyDeleteAnother perfect poem. I think we can all find ourselves in these lines. We've all been there, one way or another.
I just love the richness and depth of your poems.
Hi Lovely, great to hear from you and to be back. :)
ReplyDeleteI think I've met your visitor, I try to ignore them but sometimes they just like to say.
Evocative and something we can all relate to.
Thank you.
Sarahxx
for me, the line 'it is the other' has quite a frightening touch to it.
ReplyDelete*hugs*
:)
Thanks, everyone. Life is good. Well, just living is good, and life is wonderful!
ReplyDelete