Thursday, July 29, 2010

I May Go Out Into the Water















I may go out into the water just a step,
          just enough to leave the bank behind
                    to let the darkness close around my calves,

just enough to leave the sand and feel the mud
          ooze and mush between my toes.
                    Will you come with me?

I may, if I decide to stay,
          settle myself in that black green pool
                    and let the waters cool me for a while.

Fishes when they rest hardly move,
just a flutter of their water wings
and they stay suspended in their silty world.

They never seem to be alone,
          always two or three, a happy fishy family  
                    maybe just a few small fry

fanning themselves, standing still
          expecting nothing from each other,
                    living happy fishy lives,

expecting nothing more
than time alone together in the mud.

17 comments:

  1. This is beautiful. Time alone together in the mud, a gorgeous finish to a lovely poem

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  2. You make me want to be "mud
    ooze and mush between my toes." It may be a little dirty but then I would be cool and between your toes. I would wash off easily enough when you stepped back to the shore.

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  3. Beautiful, but there is a darkness too, for me.
    I love the use of "may" and that early repetition, "just enough", and the alliteration and enjambement in

    always two or three, a happy fishy family
    maybe just a few small fry

    fanning themselves, standing still

    is stunning. Ooh, I've gone all lit crit. Really liked it, and the poem creates a complete mood that sucks you in, stealthily. Good writing.

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  4. This soothes me. The strong words, so softly put together, go well with the picture. Wouldn't it be lovely to live in such quiet resolution - if only for an hour a day.

    "..expecting nothing more
    than time alone together in the mud."

    - We could learn much from the fish in the pond.

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  5. This soothes as K has stated. It is the essence of summer. I feel my inner child joining as I write this. Actually, I feel myself joining you because I decided I am happiest when my inner child dwells not only within, but without.

    Hope your summer has been wonderful for you!

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  6. Ah, to be a fish... or a mouse... as with the Burns poem.

    If I could just relax for a moment, suspended in water, what would that do for the rest of my life?

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  7. what a beautiful poem and inviting picture. love the idea of mud between my toes. hope you're having a great day.

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  8. this is lovely and reminds me of a time I sat in a rock pool and let the fish nibble my toes

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  9. Yes, I'll come with you. Just far enough to feel the mud between my toes. I'll stay for a while but then I'll have to go back to the shore - because that's where I have to be.

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  10. I enjoy this poem, drifting into the water where you go; but it is more than just soothing- the rhythm invites and the word choice surprises! The use of "I may" gives the poem depth. It reminds me of asking my husband to take a walk with me, and being rebuffed. (He prefers bicycling to walking.) The poem, to me, is a wish for companionship, and greater happiness, and I identify with that.

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  11. count me in please :)

    just a step at first. but then that ooze of goodness - inviting to me to settle - and who can arge with those calm and cool fishes?

    this is a perfect summer poem, but more than that, it's a perfect poem for perspective in any season. fantastic.

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  12. Everyone - Thanks to all for the comments, and sorry I haven't been around to visit your sites or respond here. Most of you know I've been caring for my mother since she was released from the hospital. She is doing well, and in all, I think she is progressing satisfactorily.

    Niamh - Thank you for your comment. I considered whether or not "mud" was the proper image here, but given that we were and will be, I thought it was okay to recognize that we spend a good bit of time alone there. :-)

    TWM - That's the good thing about mud! When we wash it off, it just goes somewhere else to be mud again!

    Titus - Thanks. I appreciate the lit crit. This is my writer's group, as I have none in "real" life, so all criticism is welcome!

    Kay - When my life is like it is right now, just finding a few minutes to be "alone together" would be heaven! Makes me think, "I shan't be gone long; you come, too!"

    Calli - Hello! I hope your work is going well! I've missed you here and I've missed being there, too. I'll try to remedy that as soon as I possibly can. Thanks for the visit and kind words.

    Juliet - Isn't that the most bubbly feeling? It makes me laugh just to think of it!

    Margaret - Promises to keep. I know, believe me; I know!

    Annie - Hi! You've honed in on the essential part of the poem for me, too - the desire for companionship "just a while", "just long enough". Thanks for reading and commenting. (...and I hope you can convince him to get off the bike "just long enough.")

    joaquin - You come, too! We'll spend a lazy summer day. I'd rather spend this treasure than save it! :-)

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  13. lovely imaginary.
    to be honest, after reading the first two stanzas i was epecting something darker, eerier perhaps - but i do love this athmosphere. it's sort of magical.
    thanks!

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  14. Karen
    a lovely write as always. love how you bring the invite in, subtle and clean.
    Geeze, not sure fishes even notice each other. Perhaps they will now. ~rick

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  15. SzelsoFa - I can see where you'd suspect something dark or sinister from the going into the water, but this time, it's simply a peaceful interlude. Purely positive. :-)

    Rick - Where've you been?? I've missed you here and there. Thanks for coming by. I hope you're sitting on the dock somewhere.

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