I want to be
the doll I recall,
not the mouldering rag
I’ve become,
afraid of the sun,
rooted to the shelf,
dusty head waving
like a funhouse image,
stitched on smile
twisted back upon itself.
I want to jump
from my careful stance,
prop up my wobbly legs
and dance – or run.
I want to look rot
in the eye and spit.
I want to quit
turning myself inside out
to expose the ragged seams,
to find the means
by which the sawdust pours.
I want more.
O, Karen...
ReplyDeleteI love this poetry of yours. Especially this one...
Found you meandering through Chris' garden (Enchanted oak).
Thank you.
Oh, sweet! Let it all hang out. Okay, that was a bad joke. I just had to say it.
ReplyDeleteThis one is fun to read (wonderful sounds and lines), but I love the deeper meaning. "I want to look rot/in the eye and spit" is fantastic. Too many people live like the narrator in this poem, and it's sad. I love what you're saying here. Beautiful work.
Wow. Great writing!
ReplyDeleteWell, I could certainly relate to this one...mouldering rag and all...teehee!
ReplyDeleteKaren- I like the wanting. the reaching, the hunger. I hope to always be a little hungry and never quite full.It's funny but maybe not; I think a lot of people wear that smile all day to hide the nightime tears. Being as we're only talking dolls, though, it was a fun romp through the toy chest. ~rick
ReplyDeleteHoly Crap! Me too, on this one, Kay. It gives me goosebumps we think so much alike. Now if only I had your inspiration. Like Rick said, most of us hide sad faces behind our plastic or painted-on smiles. You just simply ROCK, my friend! Love & Blessings---
ReplyDeleteAkannie - Welcome, and thanks. This is a departure from my usual poetry, I think. I'm glad you like it.
ReplyDeleteJulie - I guess we all have those days, don't we? Thanks for your continued support.
Bonnie - Hello! Thanks for stopping by and commenting.
Willow - Don't you wish we could say, "not me!"?
Rick - Thanks! I guess I didn't think of it so much as hunger as being thoroughly disgusted with the situation. Silly dolls!
Marion - Nodding my head to your comments and wishing we didn't feel this way...
Karen the beauty of dolls is they can be emptied of the old saw dust cleaned and re-sewn and filled with something completely new.
ReplyDeleteYeah make thyself anew dolly.
So brutally honest. The best of what poetry should be. Showing people who feel the same that they are not alone.
ReplyDelete(BTW, excellently written too.)
Karen, lovely rhythms for a melancholy piece that also reveals the humanity of hope. Boy was that ever a wordy sentence when I could just say I've felt like this and you've put it in words and left me feeling stronger. I want more too. I'm going to keep taking actions that give my life meaning, depite feeling sometimes that my smile is stitched on. Sooner or later, the smile becomes real.
ReplyDeletei too want so much more - time
ReplyDeletegreat opening. the memory of a past juxtaposed with the present. i like that sort of construct and how it sets up the rest of the poem.
ReplyDeleteThis is a really fine poem--I love the smile being "twisted back upon itself," & the use of rhyme & off-rhyme is so well handled here. Those last several lines are really quite brilliant.
ReplyDeletei love the spirit of this - the reach - and "to find the means / by which the sawdust pours." the refusal to accept that it must.
ReplyDeletei also like how it seems (to me) to be kind of like the other side of the velveteen rabbit story - maybe not loved to tatters as much as lived to tatters - but tattered, longing for the newness again rather than being satisfied with age. much as i love the velveteen rabbit, i think i'm more like this ragdoll.
very kewl poem....
ReplyDeleteI just love your writing!
ReplyDeleteThis is powerful writing. It grabs me by the throat. Thankyou.
ReplyDeleteLove this jaunty little poem...so well written and formed.
ReplyDeleteI want to jump
from my careful stance,
prop up my wobbly legs
dance – or run.
Go ahead, my girl, you can do it!
your words make me think of becoming older and all the compensation age offers...
ReplyDeletemy husband turned 40 just a day ago and I am no exception - only 6 more weeks and I'm there, too.
I think there must be and there is compensation - we have to be brave to find them and use them well
TWM - Thanks for the advice. I'm going to do my best!
ReplyDeleteJason - You're right, but it's a little like unrobing in public! Hard to do!
Chris - Yes, I'm feeling a little defiant myself right now. I don't think I'm willing to settle. I have a friend who always says, "Fake it until you make it." I think there might be some wisdom in that.
Linda - The one thing we can't necessarily make happen, but we can make it run while we have it! Welcome, by the way.
Gerry - Thanks!
John - Thanks to you, too.
Joaquin - You're right - not tattered through love but through time. (Now I'm thinking more along the lines of the old cat in CATS). Thanks for your comments, as always. I'm having some comupter problems, so I couldn't make it to your place yet. Hopefully, I'll have them resolved today.
Hi, Ghost! I haven't seen you for a while; I guess you've been busy this season, huh? Thanks for the comment.
Calli - You're such a dear! Thanks.
Elisabeth - You look for the autobiographical, if I don't forget. Hmmm. Found it here! Thanks.
Kaye - You know, I'm ready! I just don't know which to do! LOL
SzelsoFa - Forty? Oh my goodness! You're still a young one! (laughing here). There are compensations, believe me. Life is a compensation! Enjoy yours. Thanks for stopping by.
Great poem. I feel like this some days. Tattered and torn. I want more too.
ReplyDeleteThe lilting hints of rhyme really echo the idea of a doll teetering around on its legs... don't know if that was intentional or not, but it was my favorite aspect. :)
ReplyDeleteOh Karen, I love the metaphor here showing your desire to reach your potential and to live your dreams! You're on the road. I loved this piece.
ReplyDeleteWhen you get a chance to visit, instead of the current post of mine, I'd recommend a light-hearted true tale called "Guts or Nuts."
-gel
Please drop by for a friendly visit to my writing & photography blog.
Eerie thoughts, compelling thoughts well composed. A large dose of ooo-er does no one any harm. Well done, indeed.
ReplyDeletemoosh - Welcome, and thank you. I think this resonated with many readers. Maybe we're of a certain age?
ReplyDeleteJoseph - Yay! That's exactly what I was going for. I could picture the wobbly legs and nodding head. I saw her as ready to fall off the shelf. I'm so glad you commented on that. Thanks!
Gel - Thank you. I will come by, and I need to put you in my list so I'll know about your updates. I'll do that!
Dave - Welcome back, and thank you! I think you'd like my previous poem a little more than this one, still being a doll, yourself!
Well done.
ReplyDelete"I want more." and so affirmed so shall it be! When I wrote "...this is not what I am about," A "ME" anew emerged and reintroduced itself to the "I." It has been a playful encounter ever since. So I am ready to, "jump" "run" "dance" and "spit" right along with you dear friend.
ReplyDeleteWith HUGS,
Rose Marie
Thanks, Cagey!
ReplyDeleteRose Marie - Yes, I'm ready. Enough time on the shelf, hiding from the sun. Let's go! (Thanks, friend!)
I want to be
ReplyDeletethe doll I recall
Karen, I can't possibly tell you how hard you've hit me with this poem. It is perfect, objectively, and for me in particular. But my despair deepens for I know that I will never again be the doll I recall...
I'm sorry I'm this late again. I'm just so sorry.
this and the two posts below are wonderful pieces of writing. Memento Mori is a beautiful, if sad, tribute to the Holocaust victims. i desperately wanted them to live knowing well they couldn't. powerful writing.
ReplyDeleteAshes and Bone became something spiritual after death. i felt as though one was left to wander freely among nature as if it were something intended all along.
and this takes something as simple as a doll we women used to play with and makes one realize self. beautifully written. have a great day.
I think you've tapped into immense currents within a terrible stillness. Pulled in so many directions, yet knowing that backwards is not an option. Wanting to lunge, and take a leap of faith. But toward what?
ReplyDeleteSuch a powerful, bracing poem, Karen. I felt the ache of it in my throat.
I want to quit
turning myself inside out
to expose the ragged seams,
to find the means
by which the sawdust pours.
I want more.
There is such defiance and nakedness in those lines. Desire is what makes the engine go, the heart beat. Now to follow its thread.
I collect old Raggedy Anne dolls and will never be able to look at one in the smae way again. Wonderful rhymes and almost rhymes and such a strong upbeat rythm for such a yearning piece.
ReplyDeleteHi Karen,
ReplyDeleteMy name is Cynthia, I have followed your blog for a while and noticed your passion for writing. I just want to share with you some information about publishing an e-book. If you have any interest in the subject, you may take a look at our E-publishing Service Website: http://www.ddh-epub.com for more detailed information. Thank you very much:-)
By the way, sorry for bothering you. It's really a great writing, please keep up your excellent work!
Best wishes
Cynthia e-mail:service2@ddh-epub.com
Please feel free to contact me via Email if you have any question;-)
Apt timing. Hating to keep all feelings bottled up... not being able to say what I want do what I want is what prompted me to quit my current job.
ReplyDeleteFreedom is too underrated.
PS: Don't even get me started. Am feeling too philosophical these days.
Karen,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I had that doll. Second of all, thanks for the reminder.
I will if you will. :)
Hope you are well!
Everyone - I'm sorry I haven't been around to your blogs lately. My laptop has been out of commission, but I'm in business now!
ReplyDeleteVesper - Please don't apologize! I am happy any time you can find the time to stop by. I know how hard it is when your children are at that age. You're always a doll, no matter what you think!
Michelle - Thanks for your kind comments on all three poems. I appreciate your reading and taking the time to comment.
Hi, Sarah - You always seem to hone in on the lines that are so important to me when I write. Thank you. I know how hard it is for you to find the time to comment.
Mairi - I have one too, unsurprisingly on the shelf. Thanks for the comments on the rhyme. I love playing with words, although sometimes it's more like work than play!
cynthia - Welcome! I will certainly look at your site, but as I'm a "secret" poet, I doubt seriously that I'll publish anything. Who knows? Maybe some day I'll get the nerve. (...stand on those wobbly legs and dance!) Thanks for reading.
Aniket - I'm so sorry to hear about your precarious state of affairs! I hope your change will be what you need to get you back to equilibrium. *hugs*
Jennifer - Hello! I'm always so pleased to know you're still around! Let's dance!
Thank you for the reply, Karen
ReplyDeleteI know 'first book' is always the most difficult one for every writer, but it will bring a feeling of unexpected satisfaction once you gets the feedback. So how about using a nickname to publish? Many authors do that. Anyway, I DO think being a 'secret' poet is a cool thing, though.
Thanks again:-)
- Cynthia
Karen, I know you already have the Creative Blogger Award... Nevertheless, there's another one waiting for you at my place. I couldn't pass the opportunity to express my admiration for your beautiful blog.:-)
ReplyDeleteHave a great weekend!
Sorry I missed this one when it was posted. I can really identify with this one. I miss that carefree feeling of no complaints or restraints. I was more of a punky Barbie though.
ReplyDeleteCynthia - Thanks! Someday maybe...
ReplyDeleteVesper - Thank you for the award! I'll take a look at the "rules" and do that, since I didn't do it when Joseph gave it to me. You are such a dear!
Kat - I think Punky Barbie would be so cool! I was more the original swimsuit model! ;-)
I hope to always be a little hungry and never quite full.It's funny but maybe not;
ReplyDeleteWork from home India
Awesome... I sometimes felt the same... thanks for inspiring!!!:)
ReplyDelete>Kelvin
Karen that reminds me of the Anais Nin quote that Nevine has on her blog. About blossoming. There is something wonderful about growing older, yes? We stop keeping secrets and start letting it all hang out. yeah!
ReplyDelete