Moon behind the clouds,
knife in the windowsill.
You, full of words
on the floor.
On the floor, or under.
Knife on the windowsill.
On.
Flowers set in snow.
The knife is on the sill.
Your words are swords
In the dark.
Moon, clouds.
Knife and windowsill,
You, wordful.
The floor, the floor,
The knife and the windowsill.
Flowers, snow-set.
Knife and sill.
Your words are swords.
Dark.
Wordplay like swordplay...in the dark.
ReplyDeleteYes, dark indeed. Effective repetitions. This poem could be made into a short story. "Your words are swords." Stunning.
ReplyDeleteStaccato bursts of repetitions. Nicely done Karen, nice word-play!
ReplyDeleteHank
I love it Karen. Striking, a bit ominous, and full of mystery. Great stuff.
ReplyDeleteVery clever too, I think! The second one is the first one without prepositions, no - at least more or less (?), and it all makes sense too (with a bit of imagination). Above all, it reads beautifully and draws me in, and demands a reaction. I love it.
ReplyDeleteI like both Pre and post position. It's true, words are one of our best weapons, and we needs to use them with care, sadly, most of us, don't. Powerful truths in this.
ReplyDeleteSo vividly drawn, one can see and feel it. Awesome! Love the pre and post rendition.
ReplyDeleteVery nice. I'm happy I found your blog and got to read your poem. Peace,
ReplyDeleteSiggi in Downeast Maine, USA
This is an excellent poem which moves from the concrete to the abstract. I really enjoyed it.
ReplyDelete"your words are swords"
ReplyDeleteprofound, lovely piece...
wordplay
ReplyDeleteswordplay
relationship
confusion
wow, there is a definite background story to these balladical words. or swords.
ReplyDeletevery clever by telling so much by saying not much at all.
it rings within quite a while.
congratulations.